But I did anyway.
I think the weirdest thing about being on this whole fitness/healthy-me journey is figuring out that I am my own worst enemy. No one in this world has ever put more pressure on me than me. I have done this my whole life and I don’t know why. Well, that is a lie I do know why, but I hate to admit that I am just like my mom when it comes to putting unwarranted amounts of pressure on myself.
Would the world end tomorrow if I don’t put those dishes in the dishwasher? No, but in my mind all I can think is, “If you don’t put those in the dishwasher they are going to be there waiting for you in the morning and your whole house will look like a giant mess all night. What if someone was to stop by? They would think you are a lazy pig.” For real, who the heck would be stopping by? Everyone I know is either out-of-state or would give me a heads-up call or text to let me know they would be coming over.
The other argument that happens in my head is the whole, if you don’t do it, no one else will, speech. Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t get done. In my experience, men can ignore clutter and filth a lot longer than we women. I’m not trying to be mean or sexist, it is just something I have taken note of over the years, with limited exceptions of course.
If I was to leave my beer bottle on the end table for a week, my BF wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t think to pick it up and throw it away either, because it just doesn’t bother him. To me, it is a giant red flag waving in the breeze. To him, it isn’t anything. His priorities for keeping house are completely different from mine and I suppose that is why we make a good team. I nitpick to the smallest degree and he sees the big picture. If the big picture isn’t a complete mess, which it almost never is, he doesn’t see the harm in letting a few things sit around that should be in the garbage. I freak out and stress over the smallest things and sometimes forget that in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter if a candle is out-of-place on the TV stand.
This pressure that I put on myself to be all things, at all times can be a detriment, but it can also be a great motivational tool. I went to the gym yesterday after work, set list in hand and as soon as I warmed up and grabbed the weights I thought, “Maybe I can just take it easy on myself today and only do three sets instead of five.” Well, the minute that thought went through my head, the perfectionist in me started screaming “OH HELL NO! You have not worked this hard and come this far to back off now! You take this to the next level. You reach for PRs or don’t even bother. You can and will do the full five sets and you will like it!” So I did my five sets. I did my full workout and even hit some new PRs. (PR stands for Personal Records, btw. Fitness freak speech is my new language.) I wouldn’t have done that two and a half hour workout if it hadn’t been for hardcore voice in my head telling me to go big or go home.
So take from this what you will. I may be a bit on the neurotic and obsessive side, but I am completely self-aware when it comes to that. I know that I have some quirks to deal with as far as my inner demons are concerned, but I know why they are there and once you understand the why you can begin to use those demons to motivate you to accomplish more than you thought possible, which will only lead you to better self-confidence and higher goals and gains in life. Now if only I could figure out a way to make money off of those demons.
What about you? Do you take yourself too seriously? Put too much pressure on yourself? Is it something you can see yourself retooling into a motivator? Am I completely alone and insane? Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks for reading!