So the other night I was not in a very pleasant mood for no particular reason and then some stuff happened and BAM!, stupidest fight ever. If you have been in a relationship with someone for long enough you know what I mean. It’s that fight that has absolutely no merit. The fight that shouldn’t even be a fight, its so stupid.
When you first start dating someone you forgive them just about anything. You ignore, or don’t even see the tiny little quirks that will come to annoy you later. I have already spoken about my noise pet peeves in my article about blogging as therapy so I feel you are all a bit aware that I have my issues. When my BF and I started dating I can remember us having an argument here or there. Those arguments were more testing the waters to see where each of us stood on certain things, ie: my going out to a club on my own was questioned because of our different views on the safety of a woman when she is out on her own at night. Those first few fights taught us how to communicate more effectively with each other and brought up issues that, if we were going to continue the relationship, needed to be addressed and compromised upon. This is how arguments usually work when you are getting to know your partner.
As time progresses though, you start running out of things to discuss and compromise on and so you start to nitpick smaller and smaller “issues” until you are even sure why you are arguing in the first place. You have a bad day at work and can’t take it out on your boss or coworkers, so instead you bring it home with you and are all of the sudden extremely upset that your favorite shirt didn’t get washed for tomorrow. You huff and puff and take all that frustration out on the person who can’t fire you, thinking eventually this will make you feel better. It doesn’t. I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this situation and at the end of the day it only serves to make everyone miserable.
The whole next day I was in a mood. I couldn’t shake that negative feeling no matter what I tried. No amount of exercise, cooking, gaming or reading was going to scratch that itch. It is a horrible feeling to be angry with someone or to know that they are angry with you for something that, in the grand scheme of things, has absolutely no bearing on your life.
This doesn’t just have to be with your partner either. I have had this happen with family, of course, friends and even roommates. At some level if you spend enough time with someone you are bound to start taking their feelings a bit for granted. Perhaps you begin to use them as a way to get things off your chest in a negative way, like picking a fight over nothing.
My big question is how do you handle this situation? I know times heals all and that eventually we will get over the hard feelings, but is there a way of stopping the argument before it even starts? I’d like to know how you manage this type of scenario. Do you just walk away and let the other person calm down? Do you point out the obvious and ask what is the real problem?
I myself usually get angry back at first and then apologize and ask what is really going on. Usually this takes a good amount of time and effort because at that point we are both angry enough to continue fighting if the other gives even the slightest provocation. I am a stubborn person and once my feathers get ruffled it takes an enormous amount of self control to bring myself down to the ground and try to open a dialogue. I have found that communication is the key to almost every situation, unless the person you are trying to communicate with is being unreasonable. But I guess that is the problem with anger, it makes people completely unreasonable.
Well, what do you think? Give me some perspective people. Let me know your thoughts on the subject.