Tomorrow I turn…

32.  Yep the big 3, 2.  I am past the point of no return.  Tomorrow is my birthday and even though we aren’t doing anything special tomorrow, I am being taken to a see Cirque du Soleil’s OVO in Portland on Saturday with VIP tickets, which is so cool that I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am.  Of course I wasn’t excited about how much the tickets must have set my boyfriend back because that is money we could be using for our big move, but he insisted that we go in style and when he wants something there is very little in this world that will change his mind.

32 years on this planet.  I have done a lot, seen a lot, learned a whole heck of a lot, but it doesn’t feel like enough.  When I turned 30 I found myself depressed about how little I had accomplished so far.  Very recently I was reminded that I was not the only one who holds that sentiment when I read fellow blogger, Heather Christena Schmidt’s “Things I Want To Do Before I’m 40” blog.  Like her,  I was a bit disappointed in myself.  I felt like a failure because I wasn’t a successful actress, had spent so long in school for such little pay off, still hadn’t decided what I wanted to do with my life, felt lost and confused when it came to the intricacies of adult life and many other internal regrets.  I had started to turn things around in some ways though.  I had taken control of my emotional eating for one, and had a plan in place to start a new healthy life so I had that going for me.

A friend of mine posted this video to facebook that kind of summed up exactly what I was feeling called Fun- We’re Not Young on youtube.  If you have a few minutes play it and you will know that it makes you laugh and cringe at the same time.  I think that I still feel a little like that now.

I still don’t know what I want to do with my life, though my boyfriend is convinced that we should create a series of web how-to videos.  That might be fun, but I might also feel the need to kill him if we work on that project together.  Maybe not though, we did build a four burner gas grill with covered side burner from the ground up and didn’t even raise our voices.  The Ikea furniture was an excellent test of our relationship skills as the large L shaped computer table took hours to assemble and we were being “helped” by his 17-year-old daughter.  So maybe we could work on that project together and just cut out the parts where one of us cusses under our breath at the other.  😀

Aside from not knowing what I want to be now that I have grown up, I really can’t complain too much.  Bailey @ Commander in Chic, posted a picture on her facebook page today that reminded me just how much I have for which to be thankful.

That is the smile of someone who is truly happy, even if her surroundings tell us that she shouldn't be.

I may not have it all figured out, but what I do have is the resources, support and time to do that and for that I am truly thankful.  I will keep on trying to be the best me I can and hopefully I will lead myself down the path to my future career.  I certainly can not complain about having food in my belly, a roof over my head (for now :D), and a wonderful partner to spend my life with.

Also I am thankful to my wonderful family.  My mom and dad could not have worked harder to give us what we needed.  They sacrificed so very much and continue to do so for each of their kids.  Today, I am especially thankful to my brother who knows me well enough to buy me this as a birthday gift.

It’s an Otter Box for my iPhone.  Yes, I am that clumsy.  This thing is huge and heavy and therefore has got to be indestructible.   So thank you, little bro, for the thoughtful if not slightly bratty gift that reminds me just what a mess I actually am.  LOL. Love you *shaking my fist at him while I say this*, mean it!

I think the theme of my life this year will be:  Try hard and when you think you have tried hard enough, try harder.  What do you think?  Any words of advice?  Encouragement?  I’d love to know if you have felt this way around your big bdays too. Hit me up and let me know.  😀


2 thoughts on “Tomorrow I turn…

  1. I felt like this in a lot of my “30’s” birthdays. I totally know how you feel. I’ve been thinking about coming up with a motto for the year too. Do you like the one you picked out? You should check out she has some awesome inspirational stuff that I’ve just discovered and she might help. Watch her video on the sidebar of her website–I think it’s called something about making it happen.

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