Lately every little thing gets to me. Mostly it is some sort of sound that drives me up a wall. For instance right now I had to get up walk over to my dog and threaten to shove q-tips up her nose if she didn’t stop her new favorite pastime; blowing snot bubbles. Not like a little kid with a crazy stuffed up nose would do, but more like when you have that I feel like I might have to blow my nose, but there aren’t any tissues nearby so instead I just breathe a little heavier to keep my nose from running and it makes this little clicking sound with every breath in or out feeling. (Yeah I am not obsessing on that sound at all.) Her next visit with the vet is coming up and I told my boyfriend to have the vet take a look at that nose before I tear my hair out.
By the way, no one is immune from my super hearing right now. The squeak of the next door neighbor’s front door will be fixed, by god. If I have to go ninja, cover myself in black from head to toe, climb over our patio fence and creep through the shadows with a can of WD-40, I will fix that squeak. My poor boyfriend cannot even eat next to me unless I am eating because I can hear (you will not believe me, but I don’t care) his teeth coming together with every bite. God help him if he decides to have an apple as a snack! I know that it is unreasonable for me to be irritated by these little sounds and I honestly try to ignore them, but the harder I try not to be bothered the more annoying they become.
It is highly possible that I have misophonia, or selective sound sensitivity. Misophonia is when little background noises or sights cause someone to have an extreme, emotional response. Some people even get physically violent when they hear a trigger sound. I don’t get violent, but I know that I overreact to these noises that other, normal people probably wouldn’t notice. Don’t believe that this is an actual thing? Here is a link if you want to know more, misophonia.info.
It’s not just sounds that have thrown me into a near tissy lately. Cleaning up trash from around the house, I am not bothered my own mess, but those two coke bottles in my boyfriends office that he should have thrown away when he was done? What kind of monster leaves two empty coke bottles sitting on a desk? Why not just cut off parts of my body while I sleep you psycho? (I am exaggerating, but I really do get upset in my head.)
Luckily I have been able to keep from actually acting on my impulses, for the most part. I don’t yell or get emotional, I simply make my that this-is-starting-to-really-get-on-my-nerves face, the one where my upper lip completely disappears, and my boyfriend usually gets the clue that I am getting frustrated and tries to help me out by distracting me or fixing the problem somehow.
I think it is living so far away from, well, everything and being on my own most of the day that has exacerbated this obsessive behavior. Aside from my snot-bubble blowing dog, I don’t get much interaction with anyone. Our neighbor’s aren’t the friend-making types and with the weather being mostly rain I can’t bike the 2 miles to the closest town. I think I have gotten a little of the “Overlook Hotel” fever here and it is heightening my already prickly sensitivities.
I have, up till now, been able to control my cabin fever by borrowing the car for the occasional trips into town to run errands and by creating an organized schedule for my days. Those five to six days a week of exercise helps keep my energy from disappearing altogether and takes up to two hours out of my lonely days.
I know one thing for certain, where ever we move next, I am getting a job. At least a part-time job. This staying at home and taking care of the housework is fine and it can certainly fill up your day with things to do, but I am a social being. I can’t just stay at home with the dog, folding clothes, cleaning floors and making dinners.
So until then what do I do to get rid of this blah feeling? I think the answer may be exactly what my little fingers are doing right now. I will keep blogging. It’s like writing a journal, but it also helps you stay connected to other people, like a support group. It’s my version of MA, Misaphoniacs Anonymous. I go to my lap top, open the lid and start typing. Whatever drivel comes out I form into paragraphs and proofread, yes I do though it may not show, and then post for you, my loyal readers to scrutinize and comment on and generally make me feel as though I am not alone.
Thank the lord for the blogosphere, because sometimes I feel like that is the only thing that is keeping me from having, what some would call, a meme-jerk reaction. It’s certainly cheaper than therapy. 😀